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To Boddah pronounced
Speaking from the tongue of
an experienced simpleton who obviously
would rather be an emasculated,
infantile camplainee. This note should
be pretty easy to understand.
All the warnings from the punk rock 101
courses over the years. Since
my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics
involved with independence
and the embracement of your community has proven to
be very true. I haven't felt
the exitement of listening to as well as creating music
along with reading and writing
for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these
things.For example when we're
backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the
crowd begins it doesn't affect
me the way in which it did for Freddy Mercury who
seemed to love. (?) relish
in the love and adoration from the crowd. Which is something
I totally admire and envy.
The fact is I can't fool you. Any one of you.
It simply isn't fair to you
or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to
rip people off by faking it
and pretending as if I'm having 100 % fun. Sometimes I feel as
if I should have a punch in
time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything
within my power to appreciate
it, (and I do. God, believe me I do, but it's not enough.
I appreciate the fact that
I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people.
I must be one of those narcissists
who only appreciate things when they're
gone. I'm too sensitive. I
need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm
I once had as a child. On
our last three tours I've had a much better appreciation
for all the people I've known
personally and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over
the frustration, the guilt
and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I
think I simply love people
too much. So much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad
little, sensitive, unappreciative,
pisces, Jesus man! Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!
I have a goddess of a wife
who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds
me too much of what I used
to be. Full of love and joy kissing every person she meets
because everyone is good and
will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can
barely function. I can't stand
the thought of Frances becoming the miserable self-destructive,
death rocker that I've become.
I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since
the age of seven I've become
hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so
easy for people to get along,
and have empathy. Empathy! Only because I love and feel sorry
for people too much I guess.
Thank you all from the pit of my burning nauseous
stomach for your letters and
concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby!
I don't have the passion anymore
and so remember, its better to burn out than to
fade away. peace, love, empathy.
Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney, I'll
be at your alter.
Please keep going Courtney
for Frances
for her life which will be
so much happier
without me. I Love you. I
love you!